Friday, September 28, 2007

I am back in the studio, making more dolls, and designing new doll and puppet designs. I have so many ideas running around in my head, it is a matter of patience to get them down on paper (quick sketches in my journal usually) and then to make the prototypes in fabric. I love starting new projects, that has always been true for me. My problem tends to be not finishing projects that I began with great enthusiam. I am concentrating on finishing up unfinished business in my life, I suppose thinking about eventually starting fresh again. How appealling that is, to start with a blank slate!
Family situations and the tumultuous wonder of raising teenagers has taken up a lot of my attention recently. It may be calming down enough that I can begin to put my own creative work back on the front burner. I am no wanting to wish these last few years with my children away, but I do long for less dramatic mornings. On the bright side though, we are in the midst of a stretch of goregous fall weather, sunny and blue skies and the leaves just begining to change. There is enough of a crispness in the air that one can not doubt that we are in fall and winter is around the corner. I treated myself to a caramel apple yesterday, what delightful memories came flooding back from my childhood.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

A busy summer that took up most of my attention, and I kept meaning to post, yet put it off. I think that in my effort to see this summer as a time to recreate myself in the face of transitions, I scared myself off a bit, feeling uncertain as to where I was going to go with this 're-creation' of my life, not wanting to do it 'wrong', or screw it up, especially since I seem intent on going public with it.
So, I've given myself a pep talk about just going for it, and now I've pulled up my courage enough to push myself back toward regular posting again.
In the works right now for me, are still job searching/freelance networking, a new grandson (my first grandchild!), I am returning to writing a novel that I put aside for awhile, trying to sort out how I wanted to approach it (somewhat like my life I think). I have also gone back to teaching, something I used to do many years ago. I am offering classes again at my studio, a visual journalling class and a mixed media class creating archetype cards. I am looking forward to visual work in my studio again, it has been awhile since I have given myself permission to play. It is about time I remember that it is a matter of giving myself permission, there is no one else I need to ask.
Oh, and I am back in scho0l, 1/2 time this semester, finally finishing up my degree, and completing a minor in creative writing. I guess that is what is on the top of my mind now, good to be back.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Yesterday my husband called me and told me he had bought me a sailboat. It was something that I toyed with as I approached my 50th birthday this past winter. I felt like I wanted to get myself something that felt like an indulgence, but that endured, and pushed me out of my comfort zone in a good way. Living here in the land of ten thousand lakes, a small sail boat that I could put into the water on my own, and goof around with either by myself or with a friend or two seemed like an ideal thing. I looked around at used boats, but then my job disappeared, I stopped thinking about it, and decided it might have to wait until I am more fully employed, or at least more stable economically.
But, with some extra money he garnered through the sale of his share of an airplane, he went on line and purchased exactly what I was looking for, and has said he will pay to have the hitch put on my car to tow it. I am almost speechless, after 17 years together, such a loving, and caring gesture. It feels wonderful to be seen, when I feel as though I go through much of my life not completely visible.
Tomorrow morning we drive out to pick it up, and if the weather is good, perhaps it will be a weekend on the water for us. This summer is beginning to look even better than I had imagined it could!

Monday, June 11, 2007

I feel as though I have been on a long voyage this weekend. I spent much of my time thinking, journalling and in general trying to sort out where I want to attempt to steer my future. With my employment future suspended, at least temporarily, I find myself under the illusion that I have more "control" over my life than usual. Instead, over the last few weeks, I find myself more a creature of habit than I might want to admit. I still escape in the same ways I always have, I do not (or at least have not yet) enthusiastically embrace a vigorous exercise plan, nor spend hours in my studio.
So I have been asking myself, what is it I truly want to do, not what do I need to do, or what should I do, but what do I want to do? It is amazing how intimidating this question is. I wish I were still 7 years old, back then I know that this question was not difficult to answer. But now, at the weathered old age of 50, it seems like a trick question riddled with trapdoors and other unpleasant boobytraps and surprises. I have managed to make a list for myself that I have written in my journal, and now intend to use as a touchstone everyday this week. I will be interested to see how many of the things I 'think' I want to do are what I end up doing.
I want to swim, walk, read, write everyday, finish my resume, plant more in my garden, write letters to people I owe letters to, get into my studio and just play (don't do anything specific, just respond to the materials), spend time with my kids while they are out of school and before their summer programs begin, draw, take photographs, try out some new recipes.
Here's to a week of experimentation. There is no time like the present!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I am in the midst of shifting from working fulltime (7:30 am-4:30 pm Monday through friday) to freelancing, creating a work lifestyle that is hopefully a better fit with the other parts of my life (active mothering of 2 at teenagers, as well as my own creative endeavours). It has been an interesting challenge fro me to find how to structure my 'work' days. At times I act as though I am on vacation, which I do feel I deserve as I took almost no days off for the last seven years. But most days I make a detailed list in my journal of all my 'to-dos' and if I find myself at the end of the day without having accomplished most of the list, I feel lazy and unproductive. It is a switch in my thinking that I am going to work on this week, to see that the nap I ended up taking today (unplanned and not on my list), might have been necessary for me to get to the other things that are on my list. I think about putting some of these items on the list ahead of time, so I can cross them off as righteously as I cross off dishes or giving the cat his antibiotics. So, naps, staring dreamily out the window, noodling around in my studio, talking to a friend on the phone, a second cup of tea while leafing through a magazine, I need to remember that these are needed also, and deserve as much room in my life as the laundry and the calls for arrangements to show my portfolio or rewriting my resume. All in good time, all in a days' work.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I finally got an image onto my header, and began playing around with the colours for my header and dates. I realize for many people these are very basic changes they are capable of making on their blogs, but for me it is a learning curve that I am proud to be tackling. I figure that I'll play around with the basic options for another few days, and then I plan on 'unveiling' my blog by sending the link out to my friends and email contacts. I am still getting used to writing on a more regular basis, and figuring out what it is I want to write about and share in such a public forum. I am envious of those who began early in the blogging world, and therefore were less self-aware as those of us just jumping in now. But, regardless of my belated start, I am looking forward to this experience.
Rain and grey skies here in the midwest combined with a headcold that I caught from my daughter make me want to crawl back into bed with a good book, but I've promised myself I'll get out and accomplish at least some of the items on my list before giving in to the weather, my stuffy nose and sore throat.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

A beautiful day in the northern plains, I meet a friend and take a walk around the local park. There was a time when that was an excursion that would take preparation and tremendous efforts. Now, with 2 children grown and out of the house, and the last two in middle and high school, I can tie my shoes, and throw on a jacket and be out the door in one minute. It almost reminds me of the sense of freedom I had when I moved into my first apartment. It took me awhile to remember that I didn't have to tell anyone where I was going (much less ask permission). Having my children grow up brings back so many memories of when I was a newly hatched adult. The feeling of unlimited horizons ahead of me, and no one to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Stay up all night, eat a whole avocado for lunch, drink cheap wine, and throw up in my own toilet (not to mention cleaning it up later). All the good and bad and in between choices that I have made so far have brought me to this point in my life. It is an interesting place to be, and in general I am happy to say I have no regrets. Today, the sun shines in a cool blue sky, and I have a to do list of my own making, to follow or ignore as I choose. May you be as lucky as I feel today!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

After a brief (well, maybe not so brief) time away, I am finding time and interest in returning to the idea of my own blog. Fortunately, as I been wrestling with other parts of my life, blogger has gone through some changes so I am going to be able to customize the look of my blog more easily (I am told). This week I intend to do a full redesign which I am hoping will also make me invested enough to want to return on a regular basis and use this blog as I initially intended to use it (more than once a year?) Now, I am sorting through images, considering color combinations and other design elements to be unveiled in the coming days. Good fortune to all of you as well!