Monday, June 11, 2007



I feel as though I have been on a long voyage this weekend. I spent much of my time thinking, journalling and in general trying to sort out where I want to attempt to steer my future. With my employment future suspended, at least temporarily, I find myself under the illusion that I have more "control" over my life than usual. Instead, over the last few weeks, I find myself more a creature of habit than I might want to admit. I still escape in the same ways I always have, I do not (or at least have not yet) enthusiastically embrace a vigorous exercise plan, nor spend hours in my studio.
So I have been asking myself, what is it I truly want to do, not what do I need to do, or what should I do, but what do I want to do? It is amazing how intimidating this question is. I wish I were still 7 years old, back then I know that this question was not difficult to answer. But now, at the weathered old age of 50, it seems like a trick question riddled with trapdoors and other unpleasant boobytraps and surprises. I have managed to make a list for myself that I have written in my journal, and now intend to use as a touchstone everyday this week. I will be interested to see how many of the things I 'think' I want to do are what I end up doing.
I want to swim, walk, read, write everyday, finish my resume, plant more in my garden, write letters to people I owe letters to, get into my studio and just play (don't do anything specific, just respond to the materials), spend time with my kids while they are out of school and before their summer programs begin, draw, take photographs, try out some new recipes.
Here's to a week of experimentation. There is no time like the present!

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